Can men and women be friends?

Our cultures and religion are obsessed with the prospect and possibility of us finding a partner and escaping the lonely purgatory of singledom. Once we have found our partners which we then decide to take as our life partners, we are often expected to cut ties with members of the opposite sex that are present in our lives to prove how committed we are.  Question is, is it a wise decision to make?

I recently asked a question on Facebook regarding male and female friendships. Whether being friends with a member of the opposite sex while married or in a committed relationship was wise. Most people’s response to the topic was that it depends on your partner and what type of friendship you may have, whether it is a lifelong friendship or a recent one. Some think that friendships formed prior to your relationship are no harm. Some believe that it is not possible or a good idea as there is always ulterior motives from one side.

The key according to one Facebook follower, is transparency, which frankly I agree with. When forming a friendship with a member of the opposite sex you should be clear from the beginning that it is clearly a friendship so that there are no misunderstood signs or a one way attraction mistaken as mutual.  When you enter into a relationship they should also be aware that you are now in a relationship so that there is are boundaries formed from that point.

In the 1989 film When Harry met Sally; the film is about love, friendship and whether men and women can be friends. In the film, Harry who is played by Billy Crystal points out that no man can be friends with a woman that he finds attractive, he will always want more than friendship.  He also later points out in the film that if both parties are in a relationship, the pressure of possible involvement is lifted. One can sit and wonder whether that statement is true or not or whether it depends on how much time you spend together or if you all get together as couples.

There is no clear cut answer to this topic, but from what we have gathered it is clear that if your friends do not respect your relationship and your partner it either the friendship or the relationship won’t work. Relationships are also about trusting your partner and also respecting the trust instilled you to the effect that when you do realize you are attracted to a friend, you decide what it is exactly you want. When things are clear from the beginning as one of our followers pointed out, there is less risk in encountering problems during the course of your friendship. It is also impossible to let go of all of your opposite sex friends, as sometimes this may be possessiveness creeping into our relationships and we are not aware. I stand firm with my statement that I refuse to let go of some old friends as they will be the ones picking up the pieces and reminding me there are still good members of the opposite sex around, should things turn sour. As for making new male friends am not really interested would drop all of them for my partner.

At the end of the day it all depends on what you want from the friendship and your relationship.